This is my new favorite song. Go to http://www.myspace.com/hellogoodbye to hear the song. IT'S AWESOME!!!
Monday, February 12, 2007
Sunday, February 04, 2007
The Leaf Kept On Turning
I am raw./I am broken./I am healed.
I am all of you/And none of it./I am there/And here/Only when you hold me.
I was supposed to start/But the leaf kept on turning./And here we are/Together./And here we are meant to be/Forevermore.
You are raw./You are broken./You are healed.
You are none of me/And all of it./You are here/And there/Only when I hold you.
I was supposed to finish/But the leaf kept on turning./Now you’re here/And with me./Everything is ruined/And fixed.
I never thought I could learn./Learn your mind,/Learn the world./I am open./I am whole./I see the beauty/Of your soul./That’s all I can see.
I was supposed to be in the middle/But the leaf kept on turning./My life is out of order/And simply plain./Explosions clamor/And the beat goes on.
But this isn’t about you./Although my whole life/Has revolved around you/I always knew you.
And now we’re here/And now/There is no past/There is no future/When I’m with you.
I was supposed to continue a line/But the leaf kept on turning./And there’s nothing else/I’d rather do/Than look in your eyes,/To feel your presence
All around me.
I am all of you/And none of it./I am there/And here/Only when you hold me.
I was supposed to start/But the leaf kept on turning./And here we are/Together./And here we are meant to be/Forevermore.
You are raw./You are broken./You are healed.
You are none of me/And all of it./You are here/And there/Only when I hold you.
I was supposed to finish/But the leaf kept on turning./Now you’re here/And with me./Everything is ruined/And fixed.
I never thought I could learn./Learn your mind,/Learn the world./I am open./I am whole./I see the beauty/Of your soul./That’s all I can see.
I was supposed to be in the middle/But the leaf kept on turning./My life is out of order/And simply plain./Explosions clamor/And the beat goes on.
But this isn’t about you./Although my whole life/Has revolved around you/I always knew you.
And now we’re here/And now/There is no past/There is no future/When I’m with you.
I was supposed to continue a line/But the leaf kept on turning./And there’s nothing else/I’d rather do/Than look in your eyes,/To feel your presence
All around me.
I Like The Roses
She sat on her old, moth bitten bed staring at the phone. She reached over, her hand shaking. Her hand closed tight around the receiver. As the telephone neared her, she took a deep slow breath. She exhaled. With her other quivering hand, she pressed button after button with a cold finger. She pulled the phone to her ear and listened carefully to each ring…
Riiiiiiiiiing.
Riiiiiiiiiing.
Riiiiiiiiiing.
“Hello?” a deep voice calmly answered the ringing telephone.
“It’s me,” she said quickly. She glanced over at the many pictures of her friends on her bedside table.
“Oh,” there was a long quiet void, “Hello. How are you?”
“Fine. You?”
“I’m ok. I’m not dead yet,” he gave a slight chuckle.
“You don’t sound fine. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” there was a high tone in his voice; “you must be imagining things.”
“Oh. Sorry. When you feel like telling me, you know my number,” she folded her arms.
“You shouldn’t be talking,” the tone in his voice got higher.
“Wesley…”
“No. I don’t want to hear it.”
“I’m sorry…” she hugged herself.
“No! You don’t understand. You can’t.”
“But I do!” she got up and put her slippers on. Her arms were tightly folded against her breast.
“You can’t just go back to the way things were. You’ve changed everything.”
She sobbed quietly.
“What, are you crying now?”
“No…” her voice quavered as hot tears rolled serenely down her red, tear-stained face.
“Gina…”
“I didn’t mean to!” she couldn’t stop her many tears.
There was a delay in his speech. She swallowed hard as she went over what she said in her mind.
“…you what?” he said quietly.
“I didn’t mean to! I mean I didn’t mean to say ‘I didn’t mean to’, I mean—”
“No. You’ve said enough.”
Click.
Dial tone.
“Shit,” she rubbed her now-cold, wet face. She gingerly placed the phone back with a trembling hand. It fell off the cradle, “shit!” she grabbed it and slammed it down.
Her body shook as she crashed onto the snotty covers. She stayed there for a long time. When she looked back on this event, she couldn’t quite recall how long she had shuddered on that bed. She finally pulled herself off her putrid bed and shuffled over to her kitchenette, back stooped. She reached out to the cabinet door handle and grasped it lightly. Almost struggling, she cracked the door open a small amount. She waited, and then swung the door all the way open. Not seeing anything that pleased her, she closed it so the door wouldn’t make a noise against the peeling cabinet paint. She pivoted to the next cabinet and clasped the handle, slowly twirling her delicate fingers around the cold metal. She yanked the door open. She saw boxes and boxes of tea, one piled on top of the other. Tea. Thank god. Hot tea will be good. Her hand darted to the top shelf in the back. With expert speed and navigation, she snatched up a purple box of tea. Easy Now the box read. She got a cup, water, and crammed the tea bag into the cup, and shoved the contents into the microwave. She pressed some buttons, most of which she didn’t look at, and hit start. She fell back into a thread bare padded chair. Her head tilted and her long hair flooded her shoulder and arm. Her eyes fluttered and shut. Her mouth parted delicately. She woke to a loud beep. Or at least she thought it was a beep. It turned into a buzz quite quickly as her senses came back, and she realized it was the front door.
“Oh no,” she looked at the microwave. It was all dark inside, but she could tell she wasn’t going to like what was in there. The clock that was always on was off.
She stood up with a great force and it almost knocked her down again. She twirled around as if looking for something of great importance. The front door buzzed again. That’s right. She needed to answer the door. She needed to answer the door…
She stumbled over to the rusty intercom next to her dilapidated apartment door. With her still-shaking finger, she pressed the plastic button.
“He-hello?” her voice trembled.
“Um, yeah, hi. It’s me,” the scratching of the intercom made the voice hard to recognize. But there was no one else it could be.
The only sound came from the intercom’s soft buzzing. “Ok. Come on up.”
She pressed the other cracked button. A loud buzz could be heard from below. The apartment building door creaked and clicked. She released the button. There was silence.
She walked back over to the microwave. Her fingers reached out as if to help it, but she knew nothing could be done. She clutched the lever and the door snapped open. The cup was empty. The tea bag was on the roof of the microwave. She pressed some buttons but nothing happened. No light went on. She unplugged it and plugged it back in. she pressed some more buttons. There was a knock at the door. She twirled heavily around. Her heart sped up. She wandered to the aged door. Her hand closed quietly around the knob and gradually twisted…
“Hello,” the man at the door said optimistically.
“Hey.”
“Good to see you.”
“You too.”
“You look well.”
“You too.”
They said nothing.
“I brought you roses,” he presented a bouquet from behind his back.
“They’re lovely.”
“You don’t like them.”
“Of course I do. Don’t be silly.”
“Do you wanna put them in water?”
“Sure. Tap’s over there,” she motioned to her kitchenette.
He hesitated. He started to step forward, and then stopped. She stared coldly into his dynamic eyes.
“Ok then,” and he strode to the soiled sink. He picked up a chipped cup from the counter. He turned the faucet on. He filled the cup half-way, and then placed the roses in the cup. As he turned around he saw the microwave. He stopped and stared. He gave her a quizzical look.
“Don’t ask,” she shifted her weight from her left foot to her right. She looked down. He gazed at her intensely. His heart melted as he stared at her blotchy face. He walked over to her and put his hand under her chin. He lifted her head and stared into her puffy eyes.
“What…?”
He just watched her.
“Don’t say it. I don’t think I could handle it,” the tears returned.
“You called him, didn’t you?” she nodded, “It’s ok. Everything will be alright,” he wiped her tears away and brushed her hair back.
“I don’t need to be taken care of.”
“You’re right. You don’t. You’re strong. But everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. That’s why I’m here.”
“No it’s not,” she sobbed, “you just want to be around me,” she buried her face in his scrawny chest.
He put his arm around her back. She sobbed in his warm embrace.
“You see? It’s fine.”
“No it’s not! You’ve ruined everything!” her voice was muffled by his sweatshirt. She pounded her fist on him several times, “I hate you!”
“Do you want me to go?” he asked slowly.
“No. Stay. I want you to stay with me.”
“Ok. Ok. I won’t go. I’ll stay with you always… I’ll go when you tell me to.”
“I really do like the roses. Really.”
“I know.”
And he stayed with her the whole night.
Riiiiiiiiiing.
Riiiiiiiiiing.
Riiiiiiiiiing.
“Hello?” a deep voice calmly answered the ringing telephone.
“It’s me,” she said quickly. She glanced over at the many pictures of her friends on her bedside table.
“Oh,” there was a long quiet void, “Hello. How are you?”
“Fine. You?”
“I’m ok. I’m not dead yet,” he gave a slight chuckle.
“You don’t sound fine. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” there was a high tone in his voice; “you must be imagining things.”
“Oh. Sorry. When you feel like telling me, you know my number,” she folded her arms.
“You shouldn’t be talking,” the tone in his voice got higher.
“Wesley…”
“No. I don’t want to hear it.”
“I’m sorry…” she hugged herself.
“No! You don’t understand. You can’t.”
“But I do!” she got up and put her slippers on. Her arms were tightly folded against her breast.
“You can’t just go back to the way things were. You’ve changed everything.”
She sobbed quietly.
“What, are you crying now?”
“No…” her voice quavered as hot tears rolled serenely down her red, tear-stained face.
“Gina…”
“I didn’t mean to!” she couldn’t stop her many tears.
There was a delay in his speech. She swallowed hard as she went over what she said in her mind.
“…you what?” he said quietly.
“I didn’t mean to! I mean I didn’t mean to say ‘I didn’t mean to’, I mean—”
“No. You’ve said enough.”
Click.
Dial tone.
“Shit,” she rubbed her now-cold, wet face. She gingerly placed the phone back with a trembling hand. It fell off the cradle, “shit!” she grabbed it and slammed it down.
Her body shook as she crashed onto the snotty covers. She stayed there for a long time. When she looked back on this event, she couldn’t quite recall how long she had shuddered on that bed. She finally pulled herself off her putrid bed and shuffled over to her kitchenette, back stooped. She reached out to the cabinet door handle and grasped it lightly. Almost struggling, she cracked the door open a small amount. She waited, and then swung the door all the way open. Not seeing anything that pleased her, she closed it so the door wouldn’t make a noise against the peeling cabinet paint. She pivoted to the next cabinet and clasped the handle, slowly twirling her delicate fingers around the cold metal. She yanked the door open. She saw boxes and boxes of tea, one piled on top of the other. Tea. Thank god. Hot tea will be good. Her hand darted to the top shelf in the back. With expert speed and navigation, she snatched up a purple box of tea. Easy Now the box read. She got a cup, water, and crammed the tea bag into the cup, and shoved the contents into the microwave. She pressed some buttons, most of which she didn’t look at, and hit start. She fell back into a thread bare padded chair. Her head tilted and her long hair flooded her shoulder and arm. Her eyes fluttered and shut. Her mouth parted delicately. She woke to a loud beep. Or at least she thought it was a beep. It turned into a buzz quite quickly as her senses came back, and she realized it was the front door.
“Oh no,” she looked at the microwave. It was all dark inside, but she could tell she wasn’t going to like what was in there. The clock that was always on was off.
She stood up with a great force and it almost knocked her down again. She twirled around as if looking for something of great importance. The front door buzzed again. That’s right. She needed to answer the door. She needed to answer the door…
She stumbled over to the rusty intercom next to her dilapidated apartment door. With her still-shaking finger, she pressed the plastic button.
“He-hello?” her voice trembled.
“Um, yeah, hi. It’s me,” the scratching of the intercom made the voice hard to recognize. But there was no one else it could be.
The only sound came from the intercom’s soft buzzing. “Ok. Come on up.”
She pressed the other cracked button. A loud buzz could be heard from below. The apartment building door creaked and clicked. She released the button. There was silence.
She walked back over to the microwave. Her fingers reached out as if to help it, but she knew nothing could be done. She clutched the lever and the door snapped open. The cup was empty. The tea bag was on the roof of the microwave. She pressed some buttons but nothing happened. No light went on. She unplugged it and plugged it back in. she pressed some more buttons. There was a knock at the door. She twirled heavily around. Her heart sped up. She wandered to the aged door. Her hand closed quietly around the knob and gradually twisted…
“Hello,” the man at the door said optimistically.
“Hey.”
“Good to see you.”
“You too.”
“You look well.”
“You too.”
They said nothing.
“I brought you roses,” he presented a bouquet from behind his back.
“They’re lovely.”
“You don’t like them.”
“Of course I do. Don’t be silly.”
“Do you wanna put them in water?”
“Sure. Tap’s over there,” she motioned to her kitchenette.
He hesitated. He started to step forward, and then stopped. She stared coldly into his dynamic eyes.
“Ok then,” and he strode to the soiled sink. He picked up a chipped cup from the counter. He turned the faucet on. He filled the cup half-way, and then placed the roses in the cup. As he turned around he saw the microwave. He stopped and stared. He gave her a quizzical look.
“Don’t ask,” she shifted her weight from her left foot to her right. She looked down. He gazed at her intensely. His heart melted as he stared at her blotchy face. He walked over to her and put his hand under her chin. He lifted her head and stared into her puffy eyes.
“What…?”
He just watched her.
“Don’t say it. I don’t think I could handle it,” the tears returned.
“You called him, didn’t you?” she nodded, “It’s ok. Everything will be alright,” he wiped her tears away and brushed her hair back.
“I don’t need to be taken care of.”
“You’re right. You don’t. You’re strong. But everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. That’s why I’m here.”
“No it’s not,” she sobbed, “you just want to be around me,” she buried her face in his scrawny chest.
He put his arm around her back. She sobbed in his warm embrace.
“You see? It’s fine.”
“No it’s not! You’ve ruined everything!” her voice was muffled by his sweatshirt. She pounded her fist on him several times, “I hate you!”
“Do you want me to go?” he asked slowly.
“No. Stay. I want you to stay with me.”
“Ok. Ok. I won’t go. I’ll stay with you always… I’ll go when you tell me to.”
“I really do like the roses. Really.”
“I know.”
And he stayed with her the whole night.
Finally I knew everything I dreamed was true...
I've never been more sure of my feelings for Sweety: I am in love with him!
I know, I know, he's only a freshman. And I totally didn't think I *could* fall in love with him. I thought I was going to be in love with Red Delicious forever. But next thing I knew I had fallen out of love with Red Delicious! And then, I was in love with Sweety! Hah! Eat that rules of love! "All's fair in love and war, princess..." That part always makes me cry! [/tangent] In fact, I didn't even notice that Red Delicious had been gone for two days, sick. All I could see was Sweety... He thinks we're soulmates. I completely agree. All of my other boyfriends it's been realistic, I'm not going to stay with you forever and I accept that. But with Sweety... I don't see how we could be separated. My plans for the future included being a swinger and going to clubs every night. But he makes me want to settle down, get married, and raise a famliy. Not now, of course, but later. I love him so much...
We went to prom last night. Oh! It was wonderful! He wore a striped blue shirt and tie, and I wore something that can only be described as "AHHHH!". Or possibly a blue Celtic goddess dress. :) As Kiele and I helped Tegri for her prom, Tegri and Kiele helped me for my prom. While Tegri did my hair and Kiele shaved my legs, I put on sparkly lotion. And then, since my hands were sparkly, Kiele fed me grilled cheese sandwiches. :) THANK YOU HUN! Both of you, you were life savers. I couldn't have done it without you. And thanks to Sweety for being late so I could finish getting ready! My nails are uneven because Sweety was at the door while I did them. Heh heh. I might post a few pics so everyone can see how GORGEOUS I look. :) Oh, and something that is UBER important: WE DANCED!! People may not find this shocking, but I never dance with members of the opposite sex. No matter how much I love them.
I have nothing more to say that won't have to be deleted later.
I know, I know, he's only a freshman. And I totally didn't think I *could* fall in love with him. I thought I was going to be in love with Red Delicious forever. But next thing I knew I had fallen out of love with Red Delicious! And then, I was in love with Sweety! Hah! Eat that rules of love! "All's fair in love and war, princess..." That part always makes me cry! [/tangent] In fact, I didn't even notice that Red Delicious had been gone for two days, sick. All I could see was Sweety... He thinks we're soulmates. I completely agree. All of my other boyfriends it's been realistic, I'm not going to stay with you forever and I accept that. But with Sweety... I don't see how we could be separated. My plans for the future included being a swinger and going to clubs every night. But he makes me want to settle down, get married, and raise a famliy. Not now, of course, but later. I love him so much...
We went to prom last night. Oh! It was wonderful! He wore a striped blue shirt and tie, and I wore something that can only be described as "AHHHH!". Or possibly a blue Celtic goddess dress. :) As Kiele and I helped Tegri for her prom, Tegri and Kiele helped me for my prom. While Tegri did my hair and Kiele shaved my legs, I put on sparkly lotion. And then, since my hands were sparkly, Kiele fed me grilled cheese sandwiches. :) THANK YOU HUN! Both of you, you were life savers. I couldn't have done it without you. And thanks to Sweety for being late so I could finish getting ready! My nails are uneven because Sweety was at the door while I did them. Heh heh. I might post a few pics so everyone can see how GORGEOUS I look. :) Oh, and something that is UBER important: WE DANCED!! People may not find this shocking, but I never dance with members of the opposite sex. No matter how much I love them.
I have nothing more to say that won't have to be deleted later.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
A Week Later...
Yes, I'm back a week later. But it's almost time for Sweety to get out of wrestling and I have to go meet him... Will write back soon.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Monday, Monday...
I know, I know. It's Tuesday. :) But it feels like Monday! And Monday was so grand... It felt like a Friday. Ugh, mornings. UUUGGHH, *Monday* mornings (for the purpose of me bitching about the morning and how awful it feels on my head, please forget everything you have learned about time going in a one-way linear fashion and assume that today is Monday) ...uuuuuuugh. My head! It burns, it BURNS us precious!!!!!! [shoutfromdistantplace]Take an Ibuprofen![/shoutfromdistantplace] Yes, thank you! In other news, not concerning my head, I'm writing a play. Here's what I have so far:
Cast: Sammy (24) – hopeful, spunky, loveable writer
Audrey (25) (Meaghan?) – In-the-moment, spontaneous, out-to-lunch best friend
Gary (22) (Peter?) – Thoughtful, caring, sweet friend
Trish (25) (Carla?) – Fiery, brave, protective comic relief
.....Concerned friends:
.....Maya (26) – good listener, profound, intelligent
.....Caroline (22) – teasing, good intentions, not helpful
.....Brian (23) – Caroline’s love-interest, flamboyant, elusive
Trever (22) – untouchable, mysterious, shy love-interest
(Don’t Worry, Be Happy plays. Curtain rises, all is black. Spotlight shines on a lone figure, a young woman.)
Sammy: (Sitting at laptop thinking aloud). Everyone loves a good love story. But only when the ending is happy. My stories never have a happy ending. Some say the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. I say I’ll never learn that. Some say it’ll get better for me. I say my future is to be unlucky in love. Some say I’m being too hard on myself. I say… this is the way I see it.
(There’s a knock at the door.)
Sammy: Come in! (Starts to tidy things)
Audrey: Hey my girly girl darling babe! Are you daydreaming again? You haven’t gotten any work done… (Grabs laptop and shows blank screen to audience) Sammy: I’m… having a dry spell!
Audrey: Yeah, right. Since you moved here and got all googly-eyed for that hunk-a-what’s-his-name. He’s still in college! He probably doesn’t even have any chest hair.
Sammy: Probably doesn’t. But he’s so dreamy!
Audrey: Ugh, whatever floats your boat. You can have him. I sure as hell don’t want him. (Seeing wistful eyes) Aw, baby. He still doesn’t get it, does he?
Sammy: Not really. He’s avoiding me less now! He hugged me yesterday. In class.
Audrey: You have got to be kidding me. You can’t let that little snot make or break your day.
Sammy: Yeah, I know… But... Have you ever been in love? I mean, really, truly, deeply, unconditionally in love?
Audrey: Not really…
Sammy: So you don’t understand. (Goes back to laptop)
Audrey: Come on, I’m gonna take you somewhere fun!
Sammy: Yes! Like we used to! The night is long, and I am in no mood for sleep…
Audrey: …tonight, we shall share the same dream…
Both: YES! (Laugh)
Sammy: Good times…
Audrey: Yeah…
Sammy: So… where do you wanna go?
Audrey: (if anyone has an idea, I'm stuck. But in the next scene they meet up with some friends who might have randomly been there or Sammy and Audrey know their friends are there. I'm contemplating who to put in the next scene, but Gary is going to be there.)
Questions, comments, concerns, random garble about said play is always accepted with open arms. :) If you've noticed that there are quite a few parallels, keep in mind that I have LOOSELY based characters on real people. I have also excluded a lot of people I know. If you are one of them, please do not feel offended. I merely got rid of you because you're making me happy. This play is about misery. Feel good about yourself. :) And for those of you who are making me happy yet are in the play, I got rid of the part where you make me happy. And I gave you problems of your own. >:) You will also notice that I am referring to the characters as YOU. That is because I am a crack pot and you shouldn't believe a word I say. Also, it's easier to say YOU and not THOSE CHARACTERS I BASED OFF YOU. There's one character, even, who is based off TWO people. I wanted those two elements, but not two whole characters. Those of you who are writers (which is basically everyone who reads my blog :P) can appreciate that. A note of background: This is a play about a bunch of writers. Sammy was going to be a writer because I wanted her thinking out loud intro-ing the play, but I couldn't think of another way to do that than have her be a writer writing a romance novel. The romance novel idea comes because me and Tegri have sort of an inside joke-ish thing having to do with romance novels. It's complicated, I'm tired, I'll be late for class, ask her. So Sammy, Audrey, and Trish all met in middle school (YEAH BABY! BESC ALL THE WAY!!!) And Sammy, Gary, Maya, Caroline, and Trever all met in a college writing class. I made them all writers because once Sammy was a writer, it was the best way to show how they met with Trever and the rest being in college. Maya is out of college, as is Sammy, but they both majored in something else and didn't get to take a writing class. Can you see all of this just flying out my ass? It's good to explain stuff to others. It gives you background and helps you sort out the mess ups. TTFN! *kisses to all*
EDIT: The play and all it's recent revisions can now be found here.
The Way I See It
By **** ********
Cast: Sammy (24) – hopeful, spunky, loveable writer
Audrey (25) (Meaghan?) – In-the-moment, spontaneous, out-to-lunch best friend
Gary (22) (Peter?) – Thoughtful, caring, sweet friend
Trish (25) (Carla?) – Fiery, brave, protective comic relief
.....Concerned friends:
.....Maya (26) – good listener, profound, intelligent
.....Caroline (22) – teasing, good intentions, not helpful
.....Brian (23) – Caroline’s love-interest, flamboyant, elusive
Trever (22) – untouchable, mysterious, shy love-interest
(Don’t Worry, Be Happy plays. Curtain rises, all is black. Spotlight shines on a lone figure, a young woman.)
Sammy: (Sitting at laptop thinking aloud). Everyone loves a good love story. But only when the ending is happy. My stories never have a happy ending. Some say the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. I say I’ll never learn that. Some say it’ll get better for me. I say my future is to be unlucky in love. Some say I’m being too hard on myself. I say… this is the way I see it.
(There’s a knock at the door.)
Sammy: Come in! (Starts to tidy things)
Audrey: Hey my girly girl darling babe! Are you daydreaming again? You haven’t gotten any work done… (Grabs laptop and shows blank screen to audience) Sammy: I’m… having a dry spell!
Audrey: Yeah, right. Since you moved here and got all googly-eyed for that hunk-a-what’s-his-name. He’s still in college! He probably doesn’t even have any chest hair.
Sammy: Probably doesn’t. But he’s so dreamy!
Audrey: Ugh, whatever floats your boat. You can have him. I sure as hell don’t want him. (Seeing wistful eyes) Aw, baby. He still doesn’t get it, does he?
Sammy: Not really. He’s avoiding me less now! He hugged me yesterday. In class.
Audrey: You have got to be kidding me. You can’t let that little snot make or break your day.
Sammy: Yeah, I know… But... Have you ever been in love? I mean, really, truly, deeply, unconditionally in love?
Audrey: Not really…
Sammy: So you don’t understand. (Goes back to laptop)
Audrey: Come on, I’m gonna take you somewhere fun!
Sammy: Yes! Like we used to! The night is long, and I am in no mood for sleep…
Audrey: …tonight, we shall share the same dream…
Both: YES! (Laugh)
Sammy: Good times…
Audrey: Yeah…
Sammy: So… where do you wanna go?
Audrey: (if anyone has an idea, I'm stuck. But in the next scene they meet up with some friends who might have randomly been there or Sammy and Audrey know their friends are there. I'm contemplating who to put in the next scene, but Gary is going to be there.)
Questions, comments, concerns, random garble about said play is always accepted with open arms. :) If you've noticed that there are quite a few parallels, keep in mind that I have LOOSELY based characters on real people. I have also excluded a lot of people I know. If you are one of them, please do not feel offended. I merely got rid of you because you're making me happy. This play is about misery. Feel good about yourself. :) And for those of you who are making me happy yet are in the play, I got rid of the part where you make me happy. And I gave you problems of your own. >:) You will also notice that I am referring to the characters as YOU. That is because I am a crack pot and you shouldn't believe a word I say. Also, it's easier to say YOU and not THOSE CHARACTERS I BASED OFF YOU. There's one character, even, who is based off TWO people. I wanted those two elements, but not two whole characters. Those of you who are writers (which is basically everyone who reads my blog :P) can appreciate that. A note of background: This is a play about a bunch of writers. Sammy was going to be a writer because I wanted her thinking out loud intro-ing the play, but I couldn't think of another way to do that than have her be a writer writing a romance novel. The romance novel idea comes because me and Tegri have sort of an inside joke-ish thing having to do with romance novels. It's complicated, I'm tired, I'll be late for class, ask her. So Sammy, Audrey, and Trish all met in middle school (YEAH BABY! BESC ALL THE WAY!!!) And Sammy, Gary, Maya, Caroline, and Trever all met in a college writing class. I made them all writers because once Sammy was a writer, it was the best way to show how they met with Trever and the rest being in college. Maya is out of college, as is Sammy, but they both majored in something else and didn't get to take a writing class. Can you see all of this just flying out my ass? It's good to explain stuff to others. It gives you background and helps you sort out the mess ups. TTFN! *kisses to all*
EDIT: The play and all it's recent revisions can now be found here.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
I met her!
So, awhile back, on Saturday 16th I met Lilly! And a bunch of other cool people (AKA, the Venetians). Most of whose names I don't remember. :) Well, I remember their real names, just not their Venetian names... Here's proof we chilled:
It's a bad pic, I know, but it's of me and Lilly on the day we met. Proof we know each other!
It's a bad pic, I know, but it's of me and Lilly on the day we met. Proof we know each other! 
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Fate hates me...
I had a presentation today. It was a lit thing. It sucked, although everyone seemed to like our English dialects and dramatic reading. And then I had a free period. I didn't do much today. CRAP!! I still need to wrap everyone's present! Darn! Durnnit, dammit, darnation... Daggit! Oh well, the night is young, and I am in no mood for sleep. Tonight, we shall share the same dream! YES!
So this morning, when I took my phone into the shower with me (hey, I over slept and I wanted to talk to my friends, but I also needed to shower because I hadn't done so in several days), I was kinda sleepy, right? Not yet awake? So I make this proposition to Sweety. I ask him if I could "use" him to make Red Delicious jealous. God, what was I thinking... Of course, being the sweetie he is, he agreed. I talked to Pirate Girl about it and she said we'd have show him what he could have. It's risky, it's stupid, it'll do things to my rep, and it's messing with someone's free will. Not just anyone, but the guy I love. Why would I want to do that? I told you I was tired... The more I thought about it, the more I realised how much I didn't want to do it. Let it be. Besides, he's starting to talk to me more. We talked for a whole minute today! It was grand! But then he had to leave because... well, he was done with his finals. But he was looking at me funny. He'd have long periods of just staring at me while we talked and then a long period of not looking at me.
The weirdest thing is... all those times I mentioned in Looking Back Part 2, I didn't even scrape the surface. A lot of times he looked like he was going to kiss me or expected me to kiss him. He was definitely flirting with me. He claims, now, that it was a joke, he was only fake flirting. But it wasn't... Why else would I like him unless he seemed interested, he's not the shiniest spoon in the drawer.
And now he's just gone. My theory is that he liked me but was afraid of relationships, so he backed away when I got more serious. Then I pushed too hard and he backed WAY up, and now I can barely see him. That seems to be the most logical reason. Either that or he's a cold hearted bitch and he likes to fuck with people's emotions. I like the first reason better.
Sweety's going to talk to him to see what happened. Later, when it's the opportune moment, I'm going to tell him that he's the loose end of a love triangle. Just so he knows. And then I'm going to leave it at that and love from afar. The end.
So this morning, when I took my phone into the shower with me (hey, I over slept and I wanted to talk to my friends, but I also needed to shower because I hadn't done so in several days), I was kinda sleepy, right? Not yet awake? So I make this proposition to Sweety. I ask him if I could "use" him to make Red Delicious jealous. God, what was I thinking... Of course, being the sweetie he is, he agreed. I talked to Pirate Girl about it and she said we'd have show him what he could have. It's risky, it's stupid, it'll do things to my rep, and it's messing with someone's free will. Not just anyone, but the guy I love. Why would I want to do that? I told you I was tired... The more I thought about it, the more I realised how much I didn't want to do it. Let it be. Besides, he's starting to talk to me more. We talked for a whole minute today! It was grand! But then he had to leave because... well, he was done with his finals. But he was looking at me funny. He'd have long periods of just staring at me while we talked and then a long period of not looking at me.
The weirdest thing is... all those times I mentioned in Looking Back Part 2, I didn't even scrape the surface. A lot of times he looked like he was going to kiss me or expected me to kiss him. He was definitely flirting with me. He claims, now, that it was a joke, he was only fake flirting. But it wasn't... Why else would I like him unless he seemed interested, he's not the shiniest spoon in the drawer.
And now he's just gone. My theory is that he liked me but was afraid of relationships, so he backed away when I got more serious. Then I pushed too hard and he backed WAY up, and now I can barely see him. That seems to be the most logical reason. Either that or he's a cold hearted bitch and he likes to fuck with people's emotions. I like the first reason better.
Sweety's going to talk to him to see what happened. Later, when it's the opportune moment, I'm going to tell him that he's the loose end of a love triangle. Just so he knows. And then I'm going to leave it at that and love from afar. The end.
This Is Why
Twig snap
Leaf fall
This is why the wind blows
Insect fly
White cloud
This is why the wind blows
Pale light
Bright moon
This is why the Fall goes
Windpool
Wind turn
This is why the Fall goes
Earth strong
Earth hard
This is why the tree grows
Spark gone
Still air
This is why the tree grows
Leaf fall
This is why the wind blows
Insect fly
White cloud
This is why the wind blows
Pale light
Bright moon
This is why the Fall goes
Windpool
Wind turn
This is why the Fall goes
Earth strong
Earth hard
This is why the tree grows
Spark gone
Still air
This is why the tree grows
13.
i've left myself
put up on the shelf
inside all hollow
seeing pools shallow
there is no more
what're you fighting for
scraped out
can't even shout
body used up
not still a pup
worn out and thin
scraps of tin
put up on the shelf
inside all hollow
seeing pools shallow
there is no more
what're you fighting for
scraped out
can't even shout
body used up
not still a pup
worn out and thin
scraps of tin
Peter and me
This is a fun little pic taken today at lunch. We were doing some crazy things... At one point me and Buddha were going to take a picture with each other, but Spaceship's phone didn't want to save it. It was really funny because I was holding him like I wanted him, but then he looked down at me just as Spaceship was taking the picture so it looked like he was going to kiss me! It was a very romanitic picture. We had a good laugh...EDIT: Has nothing to do with today. This was a practice of my Halloween costume. I was Bubblegum. I looked smashing. :)
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
I am from condradiction
But at least I can be happy in my sorrow. How does that work? I'm sad, but I'm happy about it. I cry with a smile on my face. I love with a broken heart and a song in there too. I see the small things, raindrops, and they excite me, yet they depress me. This isn't the definition of bipolar, you're not supposed to have it at the same time!
How can I live each day knowing that I'm dying? How can I face people and tell them I'm alright? Why am I like this? Why can't I just settle on one emotion? Why are all the feelings swirled clouds in a tempest? The tempest of my heart...
That's What It Is
It feels like it's bursting, overflowing with tears. The salty water. It gets worse each time, swelling even further beyond repair. Sometimes I can't take it, but I can't stop it. It just comes... and it hurts. It burns. At first I liked it and I sought it out, looking to break my own heart just so I could get that thrill again. But it's out of control. Now it comes when it wants, searing into my body. All he has to do is touch me, and I die inside. Passion.
How can I live each day knowing that I'm dying? How can I face people and tell them I'm alright? Why am I like this? Why can't I just settle on one emotion? Why are all the feelings swirled clouds in a tempest? The tempest of my heart...
That's What It Is
It feels like it's bursting, overflowing with tears. The salty water. It gets worse each time, swelling even further beyond repair. Sometimes I can't take it, but I can't stop it. It just comes... and it hurts. It burns. At first I liked it and I sought it out, looking to break my own heart just so I could get that thrill again. But it's out of control. Now it comes when it wants, searing into my body. All he has to do is touch me, and I die inside. Passion.
Unrequited
"A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain."
--Abraham Crowly
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain."
--Abraham Crowly
Some things never change
FINALS!! I did fairly well on my first two. Math and science. My worst subjects. Well, bio isn't so bad, and neither is algebra really, it's just I haven't really been keeping up with the homework of late. I like the material, it's just I'm having various mental break downs and inner apocalypses, etc. So, the bio test was somewhat easy, I knew a lot of the stuff. But I spent so much time studying the earlier stuff I forgot to study the more recent stuff! ATP?! What's that?! Actually, there was a little diagram of an ATP molecule on the test and it said "Name this molecule". At first I put "amino acid", then saw the three phosphate groups and went WHUPS!! The algebra final was so incredibly easy. We got to pick the questions we did. So I did 10 questions in all, because they were higher point questions. Instead of doing 25 5point questions I did 5 5point questions and 5 20point questions.
My nail... Mon petit povre pinkie nail... It's wrapped in glue. First I got a glue stick and got some glue under my nail so it would be glued to the rest of my nail. But now it's glued to my pinkie. Then I got a candle and dripped hot wax on my nail so it would be held together. But the glue is holding the wax on so it won't come off. Then I got some Elmer's glue and rubbed it on top. But now that glue is holding everything in place, like a hard, casing, cocoon thing. The wax is green... it looks like my finger is molding...
There's always a reason for nicknames. Sweety is no exception. He's so unbearably sweet! It's like one of those too-sweet-to-eat frostings. I feel kinda bad sometimes, and others I just feel loved. He makes me feel so... wonderful! He's kinda awkward sometimes but others he's so thoughtful... The way he looks at me...with pure, unrequited desire. With love. He can always cheer me up. He makes my day. And I love him, but I'm not in love with him, and he's ok with that. He feels bad that Red Delicious doesn't want me, and, as far as I can tell, he wants Red Delicious to want me. So I can be with him. Even though that would mean not being with him. Sweety. He'd give up his own happiness for mine. I'm so grateful. I've never been loved like this before. I wish Red Delicious was as grateful for me as I am for Sweety.
Yay, we're in a love triangle!!
My nail... Mon petit povre pinkie nail... It's wrapped in glue. First I got a glue stick and got some glue under my nail so it would be glued to the rest of my nail. But now it's glued to my pinkie. Then I got a candle and dripped hot wax on my nail so it would be held together. But the glue is holding the wax on so it won't come off. Then I got some Elmer's glue and rubbed it on top. But now that glue is holding everything in place, like a hard, casing, cocoon thing. The wax is green... it looks like my finger is molding...
There's always a reason for nicknames. Sweety is no exception. He's so unbearably sweet! It's like one of those too-sweet-to-eat frostings. I feel kinda bad sometimes, and others I just feel loved. He makes me feel so... wonderful! He's kinda awkward sometimes but others he's so thoughtful... The way he looks at me...with pure, unrequited desire. With love. He can always cheer me up. He makes my day. And I love him, but I'm not in love with him, and he's ok with that. He feels bad that Red Delicious doesn't want me, and, as far as I can tell, he wants Red Delicious to want me. So I can be with him. Even though that would mean not being with him. Sweety. He'd give up his own happiness for mine. I'm so grateful. I've never been loved like this before. I wish Red Delicious was as grateful for me as I am for Sweety.
Yay, we're in a love triangle!!
Don't Panic
The immortal words of Douglas Adams. A great man. And all through this craze and chaos, that's all I can hear: Don't panic. My mind's ear telling myself not to freak, not to lose my cool. There's school, yes of course, and guys. And life. Don't forget about life! My chemicals, the ones in my brain, stir knavishly, plotting against me. What will they decide? What horror will they place upon me today? But I gotta get through this, I have to. Everyone's counting on me. I have to stay strong for all of my friends. And for my family. Why? Is there an important reason? I'm not quite sure. I'm just floating. I'm not sure of anything anymore. Where I should go, who I should ask. It's all swirled together. My hopes and dreams seem lost in the whirlpool of the universe. And yet I hold onto one thing: Don't panic. And I try not to.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Looking Back Part 2
So, after writing the last post, I started remembering all of the memorable times I had at school with Red Delicious.
1. The day when I got his shirt wet and he took it off.
2. The time when he was complaining about how everyone thinks of him as a little kid or a little brother and NO ONE thinks of him as a sexual being, and I said "one does" and he smiled.
3. The day he was holding the chalk just out of my reach so I had to wrap my arms around him and bring my face really close to his.
4. The same day as the chalk day, only later. He was biting my cheek, but it was more like kissing. That was the time when he got the name Red Delicious because he was biting the sticker (it was on my cheek) so he took it off and put it on himself.
5. All the times he'd walk up to me and say something completely random.
6. All the times I walked into a room where he was and he saw me and lit up.
7. The time when he was playing dead and telling me I had to give him CPR. And don't forget the tongue.
8. The day when I straddled him to get his phone number and he gave it to me one number up. (i.e., 234-5678 becomes 345-6789)
9. The game day (when the picture with his finger in his mouth was taken) when he dipped me, the guys shouted "Kiss her!" and he thought seriously about it and said "I can't..."
10. The time when he held me from behind while we swayed and sang I Touch Myself.
And now I'm crying... I miss the old him so much!
It's almost like it never happened...
1. The day when I got his shirt wet and he took it off.
2. The time when he was complaining about how everyone thinks of him as a little kid or a little brother and NO ONE thinks of him as a sexual being, and I said "one does" and he smiled.
3. The day he was holding the chalk just out of my reach so I had to wrap my arms around him and bring my face really close to his.
4. The same day as the chalk day, only later. He was biting my cheek, but it was more like kissing. That was the time when he got the name Red Delicious because he was biting the sticker (it was on my cheek) so he took it off and put it on himself.
5. All the times he'd walk up to me and say something completely random.
6. All the times I walked into a room where he was and he saw me and lit up.
7. The time when he was playing dead and telling me I had to give him CPR. And don't forget the tongue.
8. The day when I straddled him to get his phone number and he gave it to me one number up. (i.e., 234-5678 becomes 345-6789)
9. The game day (when the picture with his finger in his mouth was taken) when he dipped me, the guys shouted "Kiss her!" and he thought seriously about it and said "I can't..."
10. The time when he held me from behind while we swayed and sang I Touch Myself.
And now I'm crying... I miss the old him so much!
It's almost like it never happened...
The usual
Oh gosh. Where do I start?
Maybe from the beginning...
Today was reading day. That's when we study for finals, supposedly. But I couldn't get any studying done because I was having another Apocalypse, as usual. Sweety helped me, though. He's so sweet! He likes me, yet he tolerates all my jabbering about Red Delicious because he knows how much pain I'm in over him. He talked to him today. Sweety to Red Delicious. Apparently he thinks I'm avoiding him. That's only so he won't think I'm a stalker. And he says that whenever he tries to act "normal" with me, I flirt with him. I'm acting normal with him! That's the way we used to act with each other! We'd always be hanging off each other and stuff. That's why everyone thought we were going out, cause we were always flirting. Gosh, who the hell does he think I am?! Piece of shit, mother fucker...
I'm going to fail my finals. :)
Maybe from the beginning...
Today was reading day. That's when we study for finals, supposedly. But I couldn't get any studying done because I was having another Apocalypse, as usual. Sweety helped me, though. He's so sweet! He likes me, yet he tolerates all my jabbering about Red Delicious because he knows how much pain I'm in over him. He talked to him today. Sweety to Red Delicious. Apparently he thinks I'm avoiding him. That's only so he won't think I'm a stalker. And he says that whenever he tries to act "normal" with me, I flirt with him. I'm acting normal with him! That's the way we used to act with each other! We'd always be hanging off each other and stuff. That's why everyone thought we were going out, cause we were always flirting. Gosh, who the hell does he think I am?! Piece of shit, mother fucker...
I'm going to fail my finals. :)
Monday, December 11, 2006
Comments, Questions, Feedback
This is my fifth post of the day. Do you think I'm sufficiently bored? My point is, I want to know if you, the readers, think that I'm posting too much. I would very much like your feedback. Say whatever you think I should know about my blog, i.e., if you hate it when I talk so much about Red Delicious. It doesn't mean I'll stop writing about those things, I just want to know what my audience thinks. I am fully aware how strange I am. Don't judge, comment!
Apocalypse
I've been thinking of changing my name to Apocalypse. Or possibly Lilith the Apocalypse. But then I'd feel as if I was encroaching on the Venetians' way of nicknaming, i.e., Peter the Disconcerting (although he's not very disconcerting! He's such a sweety...! :D) Or just have someone's nickname be Apocalypse. I just really want to use it. But all my friends have names, plus no one I know fits the description of Apocalypse very well. Even I don't. But I do have a constant Apocalypse going on inside me at any given time...
PS: Dark Sun, the coolest name EVER! Other than Apocalypse, of course...
PS: Dark Sun, the coolest name EVER! Other than Apocalypse, of course...
Definition of insanity
What is the definition of insanity? The American Heritage Dictionary says "Unsoundness of mind sufficient in the judgment of a civil court to render a person unfit to maintain a contractual or other legal relationship or to warrant commitment to a mental health facility." Eh. I say blow the legal crap. Albert Einstein is credited with defining insanity as "doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different outcome." I do that. In seventh grade, the Martian and Kiele looked "insane" up and said I fit the definition (it's been so long I can't remember what it said). My uncle explained to me the difference between "psychotic" and "schizophrenic": Psychotics build castles in the clouds; schizophrenics live in them. And when I looked it up, it said that neurotics build the castles and psychotics live in them. I also found this website: Ah, Mental Health. How can we live on this Earth and not be crazy? To err is human, right? The brain is so big and confusing and complicated, something's bound to go wrong! And everyone has their own little form of psychosis. Yay! We're crazy! EDIT: AAh! I don't know, I just don't know what... I can't put my finger on it. What am I doing differently? Maybe the people here are A LOT different. I get strange looks now. Not that I didn't before, but now I get REALLY strange looks. It makes me feel bad. What am I doing? Am I hurting you? Am I upsetting you? Tell me! I don't want to be thrown out of my room again... I say something and the whole room gets quiet. What? What did I say? Did I do something? Do I have a piece of crap in my teeth? And they all look up like "what did you just say? What were you thinking?!" And I'm just thinking "What?!" and I feel like crying cause they all think I'm crazy, and not in a good way. Why do I care so much about what people think of me. I do these crazy things... Well, it depends, I'll get on top of the roof and scream "Long live The Beatles!" or go dumpster diving for a really cute band jacket from the sixties the school just happens to be throwing away. I'll even go up to random people and say hi or ask for a hug. But why do I care so much if Peter thinks I'm stupid or if Mr. Gus doesn't want to be my friend or if people are shocked by what I say? It's not the people, I do stupid things in front of them all the time. Is it the type of stupid thing?
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