Lost in the herd

Ah! I... I... not... really... having... fun... here at boarding school.
Well, for example, I was late to several meals and they had to make special ones for me... and you're not supposed to do that.
It's really hard adjusting to all this shit. And now I'm crying again.
I just want to shout "I didn't know! It's not my fault!"
And I'm pretty good with the small stuff, like taking my hair out of the shower, which NO ONE else does, and it's all grody in the shower... It's got it's own wig! I mean, come on people!
It's kinda like I want a reward or something, to say "Yes, I saw you do that good thing, and I know you're trying. And I know it's hard for you to change everything that you know and change who you are just so you can live in peace with some other completely different person you just met. Here you go, here's a cookie!" *hugs* "Oh yeah, and I love you!"
I feel so unloved here, like I'm always doing something wrong and I'm getting in trouble (yes, they do get upset. And when they do, it seems like they are so fed up with you) and everyone's laughing at me. And everyone else knows exactly what to do and their not messing up like me. There have been so many times that I had to try SO hard just to not cry in front of everyone. I feel so bad and guilty, like I'm making everyone go out of their way for me. And I feel like I'm getting in everyone's way and I'm making life harder for everyone else. And here I'm crying, and no one's there to comfort me. My friends are so far away, and no one here really cares about me. I feel so lost.