Reflected red
in my mind.
Almost dead,
life's not kind.
What can I do?
You can't be had.
Shining you...
Still not mad.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Friday, December 01, 2006
Several things...
I'm going home monkey soon, so I gotta type fast...
Well, that's one thing: I learned how to type!!!! I'm still kinda really slow, but I can type without looking at the keys!! I'm so heppe... I still have to look at the screen, otherwise... erm... well, let's just say that I'm backspacing 5 out of every 20 letters, God knows what it'd be if I had to type from a page... erp...
Another thing: I discovered someone. I mean, I met them awhile ago, a long while ago, but he's kinda quiet so I didn't actually know him that well. But I really met him when he read his poem at a contest he won recently. You can read the poem at his blog, which should be the newest link in my links, if I still have time to put it there after I'm done typing this. I told him I was going to put it up but I spent all my free time reading his blog!! Heh heh... He's really sweet and profound and ... intricate. Amazing. I can't believe it. I love to learn about people, they're so... AWESOME!! Ok, I better move on now, clock's ticking...
All the poems that are before the numbered ones are about Red Delicious, the red sweat-shirted one, when talking about love. The newer ones are about someone else, who I may reveal to you at a later time. But from the intensity of the newer ones, you can see that I like this other one better. (Take that Red Delicious!!!! Eat dirt! But not really... I love you! Don't die! Even though you're avoiding me and you toppled me at lunch! Grr...)
Ok, REEEEEEEAAAAAALLY gotta run now, I have about ten, no nine minutes to pack my life up and head out... CYA!
EDIT: Gawd, I should really go now... eight minutes...
Anywho, I just found copious other poems that were far below the outer membrane of my notebook... so I shall post them when I get home. My mom's taking me to eat sushi. YAY!
Seven minutes...
Well, that's one thing: I learned how to type!!!! I'm still kinda really slow, but I can type without looking at the keys!! I'm so heppe... I still have to look at the screen, otherwise... erm... well, let's just say that I'm backspacing 5 out of every 20 letters, God knows what it'd be if I had to type from a page... erp...
Another thing: I discovered someone. I mean, I met them awhile ago, a long while ago, but he's kinda quiet so I didn't actually know him that well. But I really met him when he read his poem at a contest he won recently. You can read the poem at his blog, which should be the newest link in my links, if I still have time to put it there after I'm done typing this. I told him I was going to put it up but I spent all my free time reading his blog!! Heh heh... He's really sweet and profound and ... intricate. Amazing. I can't believe it. I love to learn about people, they're so... AWESOME!! Ok, I better move on now, clock's ticking...
All the poems that are before the numbered ones are about Red Delicious, the red sweat-shirted one, when talking about love. The newer ones are about someone else, who I may reveal to you at a later time. But from the intensity of the newer ones, you can see that I like this other one better. (Take that Red Delicious!!!! Eat dirt! But not really... I love you! Don't die! Even though you're avoiding me and you toppled me at lunch! Grr...)
Ok, REEEEEEEAAAAAALLY gotta run now, I have about ten, no nine minutes to pack my life up and head out... CYA!
EDIT: Gawd, I should really go now... eight minutes...
Anywho, I just found copious other poems that were far below the outer membrane of my notebook... so I shall post them when I get home. My mom's taking me to eat sushi. YAY!
Seven minutes...
10.
Nothing moving, nothing still
all the things around me
don't have their own free will,
that's what they have to be.
So this is how the dead are
along the shady street,
even with their bodies marred
they greet the ones they meet.
And while they drink their fluids
and watch events go by,
they eat with the druids
their strawberry death pie.
When the party's almost done
they clean the mess they made
and wrap up the best of fun,
final sleep begins to fade.
all the things around me
don't have their own free will,
that's what they have to be.
So this is how the dead are
along the shady street,
even with their bodies marred
they greet the ones they meet.
And while they drink their fluids
and watch events go by,
they eat with the druids
their strawberry death pie.
When the party's almost done
they clean the mess they made
and wrap up the best of fun,
final sleep begins to fade.
9.
I never felt the warmth
on that cold lifeless day.
The parade never came,
it went the other way.
I've never known the touch
of a rose blooming new.
My leaves have never whispered,
the wind never blew.
My world is on my paper
as well as in my head.
That's why the sea can't reach me,
I never knew it dead.
I've never seen the sunlight
glance upon my hair.
It's always been so dark
in your loving care.
on that cold lifeless day.
The parade never came,
it went the other way.
I've never known the touch
of a rose blooming new.
My leaves have never whispered,
the wind never blew.
My world is on my paper
as well as in my head.
That's why the sea can't reach me,
I never knew it dead.
I've never seen the sunlight
glance upon my hair.
It's always been so dark
in your loving care.
Unconditional
I'd give my world to save you
I live each day for you.
I'd bleed to make you happy,
don't know from where you flew.
I don't know if you love me;
it wouldn't change a thing:
I still cry when you smile,
you're still my lonely king.
No matter where you travel
or where your heart may lie
I'll move away your mountains
before I see you die.
My heart--for you--is endless
(that means I'll always care)
even when you leave me,
my heart stays raw and bare.
My eyes can't see the others'
for all I see is yours.
I want to see you loving
along the sandy shores.
I wish to send you kisses
but if that's what you fear
I won't impose my longing,
and none will shed a tear.
I'll wait for you forever,
'til I can make you feel.
No need to return emotions;
just to help you heal.
I live each day for you.
I'd bleed to make you happy,
don't know from where you flew.
I don't know if you love me;
it wouldn't change a thing:
I still cry when you smile,
you're still my lonely king.
No matter where you travel
or where your heart may lie
I'll move away your mountains
before I see you die.
My heart--for you--is endless
(that means I'll always care)
even when you leave me,
my heart stays raw and bare.
My eyes can't see the others'
for all I see is yours.
I want to see you loving
along the sandy shores.
I wish to send you kisses
but if that's what you fear
I won't impose my longing,
and none will shed a tear.
I'll wait for you forever,
'til I can make you feel.
No need to return emotions;
just to help you heal.
8.1
Can't stop this day from ending
I want to carry on and on
As time slips through our fingers
though I'd like to try.
all throughout the night,
I'll always hold you tight.
Even we have need for dreams,
though when the sun peeks through the clouds
This day I will remember,
it's hard to say goodbye.
it's time to take our flight.
won't give you up at night.
I want to carry on and on
As time slips through our fingers
though I'd like to try.
all throughout the night,
I'll always hold you tight.
Even we have need for dreams,
though when the sun peeks through the clouds
This day I will remember,
it's hard to say goodbye.
it's time to take our flight.
won't give you up at night.
8.
Can't stop this day from ending
though I'd like to try.
Even we have need for dreams,
it's hard to say goodbye.
I want to carry on and on
all throughout the night,
though when the sun peeks through the clouds
it's time to take our flight.
As time slips through our fingers
I'll always hold you tight.
This day I will remember,
won't give you up at night.
though I'd like to try.
Even we have need for dreams,
it's hard to say goodbye.
I want to carry on and on
all throughout the night,
though when the sun peeks through the clouds
it's time to take our flight.
As time slips through our fingers
I'll always hold you tight.
This day I will remember,
won't give you up at night.
7.
Can't stop myself from rhyming
this day or the last.
It's awkward with the timing
but also in the past.
Can't think the way I used to,
with words and phrase and such,
there isn't more I can do.
I write these way too much!
this day or the last.
It's awkward with the timing
but also in the past.
Can't think the way I used to,
with words and phrase and such,
there isn't more I can do.
I write these way too much!
Erp...
Ok, I'm now officially addicted to writing poems. Hee hee. I'm starting to be one of those freak art girls who are all loner-like and stuff. Like Lanie in She's All That. Except I write poems. And I don't have that one best friend that I've been with since kindergarten. Well, not at this school. (Love you Juju, Elo, Queen of the Pirates!!) Everyone has their own pre-formed bonds. Eh. I have my verse. ;)
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
5.
I cannot love you ever,
you must know that by now.
It's much too costly on my part,
my soul wouldn't allow.
I want to see you grow and play,
though I don't know why,
it pains me just to see your face.
I still can't say goodbye.
I needed you -- but you were gone
and lost to this day.
You had your chance and gave it up
and yet I remain.
you must know that by now.
It's much too costly on my part,
my soul wouldn't allow.
I want to see you grow and play,
though I don't know why,
it pains me just to see your face.
I still can't say goodbye.
I needed you -- but you were gone
and lost to this day.
You had your chance and gave it up
and yet I remain.
4.
Tell me how to live my life.
And who should I be?
Tell me how to rule the world.
'Cause I can't be me.
Tell me who I am and why
I can't be like that.
Explain why I can't be you
and why my life is flat.
Lie to me and tell me I'm good,
that my life's not a waste.
Teach me how good people act
so I'll be embraced.
I want to know, show me how
I can be correct.
I'm broken, flawed, lost...
Rid me of my defect.
And who should I be?
Tell me how to rule the world.
'Cause I can't be me.
Tell me who I am and why
I can't be like that.
Explain why I can't be you
and why my life is flat.
Lie to me and tell me I'm good,
that my life's not a waste.
Teach me how good people act
so I'll be embraced.
I want to know, show me how
I can be correct.
I'm broken, flawed, lost...
Rid me of my defect.
3.
My mind doesn't know how to act.
It is as a fool:
Stuttering, stumbling awkwardly.
Can't possibly keep it's cool.
Now they think this hilarious,
but they don't know the half.
It's ruined my life, through and through,
they all think I'm daft!
When I try to get a girl
I walk to her and smile.
But then I just stick like that...
Gone: charm led by style.
But really, I'm not a spaz,
don't listen to what they say.
I'm really quite the stud,
just ignore my tupee!
It is as a fool:
Stuttering, stumbling awkwardly.
Can't possibly keep it's cool.
Now they think this hilarious,
but they don't know the half.
It's ruined my life, through and through,
they all think I'm daft!
When I try to get a girl
I walk to her and smile.
But then I just stick like that...
Gone: charm led by style.
But really, I'm not a spaz,
don't listen to what they say.
I'm really quite the stud,
just ignore my tupee!
2.
One day I'll find a way
to tell you how I love you.
A day that's not like any day...
But that will never do!
Once I tell you how I love,
once I find the words,
the magic will just fly away
like the startled birds.
My love is free and it is whole
to cage it would be mad.
It needs to sail the seven seas;
definition can't be had.
Although I'll never see you twice,
memories are grand.
And in sleep we'll meet again,
I'll take you by the hand.
to tell you how I love you.
A day that's not like any day...
But that will never do!
Once I tell you how I love,
once I find the words,
the magic will just fly away
like the startled birds.
My love is free and it is whole
to cage it would be mad.
It needs to sail the seven seas;
definition can't be had.
Although I'll never see you twice,
memories are grand.
And in sleep we'll meet again,
I'll take you by the hand.
1.
I had a dream last night
of wisp and dove -- and rose
to find I wasn't in
the great land of my foes.
I was free, as one mightn't
have thought above or below
but to the depths (you just might find)
is where I have to go.
They all think that down is bad,
well I would have to say
that down is where I want to go
and down is where I'll stay.
Doesn't seem to shake or stir
so far below the ground.
It's so calm -- and quiet
underneath my dirty mound.
They allow me to arise
on certain days and nights
to scare the children all away
and to see the lights.
of wisp and dove -- and rose
to find I wasn't in
the great land of my foes.
I was free, as one mightn't
have thought above or below
but to the depths (you just might find)
is where I have to go.
They all think that down is bad,
well I would have to say
that down is where I want to go
and down is where I'll stay.
Doesn't seem to shake or stir
so far below the ground.
It's so calm -- and quiet
underneath my dirty mound.
They allow me to arise
on certain days and nights
to scare the children all away
and to see the lights.
Poems n' stuff
So, this is after my Lit. teacher made us write a poem in the style of Emily Dickinson. We had to write about our death, as she had written about her many deaths. I don't write the way she writes, as you can tell, with rhymes and meter. I was slightly irked and/or miffed about having to force myself to write poetry, which is supposed to be raw expression of one's self, in a certain way. I gave up trying to rhyme in second grade. Therefore, being the mischief maker I truly am, I decided to have some fun with the poem. You'll understand if you've read it. I even went so far as to put the dashes, etc. she does just to poke some fun. And I title them with numbers, the way she did. After this post is the original assignment, then followed by my other poems in the same general style.
Beginning Part 1
No one knows
where I'm going.
No one knows
I've sinned.
Traced the leaves
with my pinkies and toes.
And no one knows
I begin.
where I'm going.
No one knows
I've sinned.
Traced the leaves
with my pinkies and toes.
And no one knows
I begin.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Help and Love
You are empty.
Empty of me.
Why do you hide?
From love,
from my touch?
You are running.
Running away.
Where do you live?
With absence,
with your loneliness?
You are blind.
Blind and unaware.
How can you not see?
Your happiness,
the happiness you could have,
the freedom you could feel,
the life you could live
if you just understood.
Empty of me.
Why do you hide?
From love,
from my touch?
You are running.
Running away.
Where do you live?
With absence,
with your loneliness?
You are blind.
Blind and unaware.
How can you not see?
Your happiness,
the happiness you could have,
the freedom you could feel,
the life you could live
if you just understood.
Knife
Into the wild
My heart races
Where it goes
I do not know
I'm finished
Finished with emotion
Just blindly running
He threw me out
I'm trash
Getting soggy
As I wait
In the rain
By the side of the road
Can't think
Even about that
About him
But I want to
My heart burns
With desire
No
No emotion
Can't think
Don't want to
So into the wild
My heart must go
Banished
From my life
As he has banished me
From his
My heart races
Where it goes
I do not know
I'm finished
Finished with emotion
Just blindly running
He threw me out
I'm trash
Getting soggy
As I wait
In the rain
By the side of the road
Can't think
Even about that
About him
But I want to
My heart burns
With desire
No
No emotion
Can't think
Don't want to
So into the wild
My heart must go
Banished
From my life
As he has banished me
From his
[No title]
Like the rain
I feel immersed
It's an ocean
Pulsing
Surging
Then calm
Peace
Yet tearing and crashing
Pulling and pushing
Destructive and loving
Clean and mixed
Like the water
I hide
I feel immersed
It's an ocean
Pulsing
Surging
Then calm
Peace
Yet tearing and crashing
Pulling and pushing
Destructive and loving
Clean and mixed
Like the water
I hide
Need
I state it once
I state it twice
I've stated it million of times
Yet no one hears.
"I HURT!"
I cry
"I BLEED!
Am I not human?
Do I not need love?
Can you love me
In my time of sadness?
Can you feel for me as I lay down
To die?"
My mood is scattered
In pieces across the linoleum
I'm broken
How can you say
I don't need help?
I am but a puppy
A baby
In want of milk.
Red searing down my spine
"IT BURNS!
I need water!"
And the water comes…
Crashing, pouring, bearing
Down on me
"HELP!"
I yell
"Help me!"
And the cold comes…
The absence of light
I need an escape
But the water crushes
I jerk, I twitch
But I can't move
I state it twice
I've stated it million of times
Yet no one hears.
"I HURT!"
I cry
"I BLEED!
Am I not human?
Do I not need love?
Can you love me
In my time of sadness?
Can you feel for me as I lay down
To die?"
My mood is scattered
In pieces across the linoleum
I'm broken
How can you say
I don't need help?
I am but a puppy
A baby
In want of milk.
Red searing down my spine
"IT BURNS!
I need water!"
And the water comes…
Crashing, pouring, bearing
Down on me
"HELP!"
I yell
"Help me!"
And the cold comes…
The absence of light
I need an escape
But the water crushes
I jerk, I twitch
But I can't move
By The Darkness
Darkness surrounds
Black out
Nothing around me
Lost
No meaning
In a space
In a time
There it is!
Then it's gone
It's all out there
You just have to find it
Freedom, hope,
These things I knew
What was I thinking?
Darkness pervades
Black out
How could I know?
These things that haunt me
I shall not know
Music in the distance
Creativity stirs
In a time
In a space
Then gone
Like him
Out of my reach
Darkness entwines
Black out
Running by
There it goes
My sanity
Falling
Through the cracks
In a space
In a time
Never to hit the bottom
But if I'm distracted
I'm good
My everything
Always cracking
Always flaking
Where does it all come from?
Questions
I need to have answered
Yes, you have them too
But mine are special
Because I'm me
Where did it go?
Oh there
Lost
Running
Falling
Cracking and flaking like
My everything
But it was eaten
By the darkness
Surrounded
Entwined
Engulfed
Encircled
En- something or other
How
I do not know
It was swallowed
By the darkness
Like me and you
For you are just as lost as I
Black out
Nothing around me
Lost
No meaning
In a space
In a time
There it is!
Then it's gone
It's all out there
You just have to find it
Freedom, hope,
These things I knew
What was I thinking?
Darkness pervades
Black out
How could I know?
These things that haunt me
I shall not know
Music in the distance
Creativity stirs
In a time
In a space
Then gone
Like him
Out of my reach
Darkness entwines
Black out
Running by
There it goes
My sanity
Falling
Through the cracks
In a space
In a time
Never to hit the bottom
But if I'm distracted
I'm good
My everything
Always cracking
Always flaking
Where does it all come from?
Questions
I need to have answered
Yes, you have them too
But mine are special
Because I'm me
Where did it go?
Oh there
Lost
Running
Falling
Cracking and flaking like
My everything
But it was eaten
By the darkness
Surrounded
Entwined
Engulfed
Encircled
En- something or other
How
I do not know
It was swallowed
By the darkness
Like me and you
For you are just as lost as I
Existance
Connected
Everyone
Same feelings
Same person
One
One in a lot
One in a whole
All of my life
Creativity
Ours
People
Don't exist
Just one
Person
Alone
In a sea
Of minds
But there is
Just one
Everyone
Same feelings
Same person
One
One in a lot
One in a whole
All of my life
Creativity
Ours
People
Don't exist
Just one
Person
Alone
In a sea
Of minds
But there is
Just one
All
All the times I failed
and let you down.
All the sad, angry, desperate faces
I've seen you wear.
All the lives we've ruined,
mostly our own.
All the pins I feel
in my skin and yours.
All the hate raged upon me
while you stared blankly.
All the love I feel
for you, but not me.
All the nights I didn't sleep
because the tears wouldn't stop.
All the secrets I hold
hidden in the folds of my fat.
All the actions you've inflicted
weigh me down.
My heart hurts, torn apart
from all of you.
and let you down.
All the sad, angry, desperate faces
I've seen you wear.
All the lives we've ruined,
mostly our own.
All the pins I feel
in my skin and yours.
All the hate raged upon me
while you stared blankly.
All the love I feel
for you, but not me.
All the nights I didn't sleep
because the tears wouldn't stop.
All the secrets I hold
hidden in the folds of my fat.
All the actions you've inflicted
weigh me down.
My heart hurts, torn apart
from all of you.
Gone
My past
Checkered
Black and white
But also gold and red
Vibrant
But pale and lacking as well
I have two sides
Two faces
Two lives
Wrapped into one body
A long time ago
I was normal
Once
In a distant
Space-time continuum
I was whole
Sometimes
I know
Who I am
And where I have gone
Where the pieces gone
Where has my life gone
Who loves me
Nothing seems real
Just a game
Just passing through
It's ok
I just live here
Just another lost kid
Who doesn't know
Where she's gone
Gone.
That's where:
Gone.
Checkered
Black and white
But also gold and red
Vibrant
But pale and lacking as well
I have two sides
Two faces
Two lives
Wrapped into one body
A long time ago
I was normal
Once
In a distant
Space-time continuum
I was whole
Sometimes
I know
Who I am
And where I have gone
Where the pieces gone
Where has my life gone
Who loves me
Nothing seems real
Just a game
Just passing through
It's ok
I just live here
Just another lost kid
Who doesn't know
Where she's gone
Gone.
That's where:
Gone.
My Confession
I know I have not come here
in quite some time to post
because I've felt much tears
running down my coast.
I've watched the seas inside me
sway many ways as one;
I knew I could not try to flee,
I knew that I was done.
So I had to come back
to visit my friends and peers
my heart still cold and black:
I had to face my fears.
I want to share my feelings
as I had wrote them down
so you can see my dealings,
just take a look around.
in quite some time to post
because I've felt much tears
running down my coast.
I've watched the seas inside me
sway many ways as one;
I knew I could not try to flee,
I knew that I was done.
So I had to come back
to visit my friends and peers
my heart still cold and black:
I had to face my fears.
I want to share my feelings
as I had wrote them down
so you can see my dealings,
just take a look around.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
