Looking Back Part 1

How come it never remembers me? I always click that little box that says "Remember me" but it never does. Eh, it has issues.

WARNING: This next part is about my personal life (read: guys and what I've done with them). I don't care if you read it, I mean I did post it on the internet, but some people may not want to, such as Peter, my mom/dad, and possibly Lilly (I don't know you that well hun, and if sex etc. bothers you, don't read this)

I've decided I'm going to email Trever today. For those of you who don't know who Trever is, tbfu. No, jk, he's this guy I had a fling with on the cruise I went on with my family. It's amazing that I could meet a guy on a ship, and then within an hour be making out with him, and yet I can't get a guy I like "in real life". I can't even get the creepy ones! Erg...

So on the note of making out, I'm now officially involved with Sweety. It's kind of an affair, I guess. But I think he thinks it's more. The way he looks at me... Aah! *hits head with frying pan* Why must I do this?! I'm not only torturing myself, I'm torturing him. Basically, I'd be fine with it, if he were a little more experienced. It's not enjoyable to me, and I don't have enough time or patience to teach a little freshie how to kiss. I was just looking for a good time, he was looking for a relationship. I know how it feels when people do this to me, WHY the hell am I doing it to him?! I hope this is how Eddie felt (that's the ex I was talking about in one of my first posts, the one who likes Another Brick In The Wall and hunting.) because then that means he does have a decent bone in his body. God I loved him... I remember how happy I was to be with him... and how unhappy I was when he took it away from me... I loved him. And yet, through all my unhappiness, I was happy because he was happy, with that little tramp with funny looking ears. If she was what made him happy, then her he shall have! And he has her. Actually, I'm not sure, Integrity, is he still with the whore? Anywho... yeah. So that's Eddie there for ya. Whew! That was a long trek down Emotional Memory Ln. So back to Sweety... I've decided that I can't go on with it, I can't lead him on and I can't suffer through another sweaty, salty, bad kiss. If he loves me (which I highly doubt he does) then he will want what will make me happy and everything will be good and I'll still be his friend. I'm not a scaredy cat like Eddie who refused to look me in the eye afterwards. But if he doesn't... he will be totally bummed and... I don't know. Maybe HE'LL never look me in the eye. But if you think about it, I'm shaping his opinion on women and how to kiss and... everything! I can't be responsible for that! I'm getting out while it's still early. (random thought) Ugh, I hate it when newbs go straight for the end. They think they know what they're doing. It's like going into a salsa competition without actually having danced at all. You have to start at the beginning!! I did! Don't just stand there with your mouth gaping wide like a koi and expect me to put my tongue in that unknowledgeable mouth!! Gah!