Today=SAD

Today was fairly awkward. As far as days go. Here's a recap (much in the style of Peter, I took the idea from him):

Lit: We worked on our final projects. Nothing of interest.

Free Period: I sat in the commons even though I should have been doing laundry. Even though yesterday was my day. Hey, I have no clean clothes!

Class Meeting: The teachers sufficiently freaked me out about finals, telling us that we need to get enough sleep and we shouldn't be stressed, get all your studying done early, etc. Well, I wasn't stressed before, but now I sure as hell am!

Bio: Talked about sex. And gametes. Fun.

Lunch: Had spaghetti. It was yummy. Got ignored by Red Delicious. He threw down some Mardi Gras sex beads (of course no one knew that THAT was their purpose) from the roof and gave them to Peter. When Peter got them, he yelled "Mardi Gras!" I, of course, I yelled "Sex beads!" Peter then noticed that they had some sort of red something on them and said well, if these were sex beads, they must be *kinky* sex beads. Needless to say, :O........ I didn't know you could be so... so... explicit, Peter! I bet he's got one of those sex/torture chambers below his garage, just for his use. He totally plays 'Mistress of Pain' every night. Can't you just see it...? Ok, has gone to scary visual place, will be leaving now...

History: Failed. Immensely. Talked about sperm, got in trouble, said "well, I did it last period", got embarassed, had to explain that I meant I *learned about* it.

Math: Roger was really sweet to me. He let me use his paper, and then he went and copied it for me. Now I know why Pirate-girl slept with him so much!

Fencing: Skipped it. Thought "what's the point? I didn't go all week due to auditions"

I'm starting to feel really sad lately, but I have kind of a happy outlook on it. I look fully bummed, someone says, "You look sad, are you ok?" And I calmly reply with a grin on my face, "No, I'm really sad. Have a nice day!" I wonder if it has to do with winter. You know, SAD? Or maybe it has to do with Red Delicious. He's being really nice to everyone else, but a whole dick to me. Today he refused to hug me. He refuses to do certain things with me that he does with his other friends. I just want to be one of his "normal" friends. It really hurts me when he treats me like an acquaintance. And now, thinking about it and him, I'm getting that "salty water/gritty mud" feeling in my chest and stomach. Pink Goth said "sour grapes". I didn't know what she was talking about, so she told me the story of how the fox couldn't reach the grapes and the crow was saying "oh, these grapes are so good" and the fox retorted with "they're probably sour anyways". She was right. I had been saying how I decided I didn't like him and he's an ass and such... But he is being pretty unreasonable. He has the emotional maturity of a 4 year old. Except a four year old would love me more than he does. If I was in a burning building with, say Britney Spears, he'd probably save Britney. Even though I'd save him over my own mother. Nothing hurts more than to realise that he meant everything to you and you meant nothing to him. If only he knew how I felt.