Ho hum...

Today was rather a strange day. I woke up not knowing what day it was, where I was, who I was, or what I was doing. Luckily, I've built up habits that make it easier for me to function in times like these; I just got up like a little wind up dog, got dressed and went to breakfast. As I mentioned, I had no idea what, per say, I was doing, I was just doing it. My alarm sets off chain reactions that tells my brain what to do even if I, myself, consciously do not. So then, as the day continued, it got progressively worse. I started to realise how utterly depressing my life is (I do that every so often) and I started to wonder how I manage to smile. Sure, I'm not starving. But my life is pretty far up there for winning the suckiest life award considering what cushy accommodations I've had throughout my life. And even when you're starving, you can still have people who love you. I know I have people who love me, it's just... I've decided that I am half alien and that's why nothing I say makes sense to anyone including myself. I can feel, I can't tell you what it feels like. Of course, that's the way everyone is, except... there it is again, I can't explain. No one talks the way I do, no one talks about this stuff (at least to me). It seems most people live on the surface. Most people don't get all down and dirty with philosophy the way I do. I talk about the colours and how they're different and the life inside and the universe and its stars and feeling the Earth and people stare blankly at me. Do I think too much? Am I smarter than them? Am I really half alien? Am I psychotic? Is everyone playing dumb? Does anyone care? I'm not saying I'm better than you, I'm saying I'm lonely. I can't talk to anyone about what I need desperately to talk about. And when I say smarter, I don't mean knowledge. Anyone can have more knowledge than any other person if they study long and hard enough. I don't have much knowledge, but I know I'm smart. How smart is the question. No, whether intelligence is even the question or not is the question. Now I'm confusing myself. Does anyone understand?